DSM5 – Pathological personality traits in negative affectivity – b. Anxiousness: Worry about the negative effects of past unpleasant experiences and future negative possibilities;
My Suggestions for Borderliners
When we look deeper into the concept of excessive worry, there is always the underlying fear that the situation or relationship will turn from positive to negative. The ability to FEEL connected leads to self-acceptance and the activation of the pleasure center of the brain. This sequence is essential in building self-esteem and self-confidence. Our fears come from past experiences, usually from childhood, where we may have been neglected and could not connect and find pleasure is our relationships with our parents. What we have to do now is try to mend those fences by consciously and consistently reconnecting our feelings from past unpleasant experiences, and reconnecting them to a pleasure response. Here is how we do can that:
- As soon as we sense that negative feeling that things in the present will be linked to negative experiences in the past, we put an immediate halt to that feeling.
- We tell ourselves that we are beautiful and powerful people and we are in control of how we want this experience to proceed.
- We recognize where this feeling is coming from and we tell ourselves that that is all in the past. There is no past except in our mind and we choose to live in the present.
- We then take a good look at the present situation and design it how we want it to proceed. We visualize the happy outcome and we let ourselves experience the feeling that goes with it. That will reroute the fear and the negative emotions and energies into the pleasure center of the brain with positive emotions and energies.
- It acts like a placebo. If we think it is going to be good we will create the energy to attract the positive outcome.
- Once we experience the actual success, we remind ourselves how beautiful and powerful we are and reaffirm that we are indeed in charge of our own feelings and life outcomes. We continue to be aware of all our successes and we build a whole new sense of self-confidence and self esteem.
(For more information on this topic go to – In Search of the Lost Self- How to Survive and Thrive with Borderline Personality Disorder, by Lawrence J. W. Cooper, now available on Amazon)