My Sad Story
I think we have been over this before, but perhaps we can look to a different example of fear of rejection and abandonment, heaven knows I have enough of them. Perhaps I can look at this from a different perspective. I did not seem to have any fear of abandonment with my mother, perhaps because I truly believed that I was on my own and could not expect any help or guidance from her. From the age of eight on, all my memories include a feeling of being alone in the world and that I had to take care of myself. From the age of thirteen on, I was truly the man of the house. I did most of the shopping, worked as a paperboy and collected bottles in the allies of my home town, worked during the summers at odd jobs, and left home as soon as I could at the age of eighteen. I went to college, registering on my own without any advice from anyone. I paid my own way through summer jobs and student loans. I was independent financially, physically, and mentally. But at a cost.
I believed I was truly on my own, no fear of abandonment because I refused to let anyone see any of my wants, needs or fears. I did not fear rejection, because at the first sign of doubt or disagreement I was prepared to run. But, here comes the sad part, I never allowed myself the privilege and honor to believe I was ever truly loved.
The Silver Lining
This is difficult. I honestly cannot see a silver lining for this one except, perhaps, when I look back at my past and how I have been able to overcome this deficit in thinking and believing. At some point, we come to realize that our fears were indeed warranted. We were probably indeed rejected and abandoned, not physically, but mentally and emotionally. When we come to that point, we do not have to react with anger. We can merely accept it. It was what it was. From that point we can make a conscious decision to let these feeling go until we see the second layer of truth. We did a damn good job just surviving. We can now pat ourselves on the back and realize that there is no obstacle we cannot overcome on our journey to becoming the person we want to be.
Morning has Broken,
Morning has broken
And my heart is unbroken,
Spreading my own brand of sunshine,
Spreading a few rays of hope,
Into my splendid garden,
Filled with sweet morning light,
A perfect place to meet with anyone,
Who wishes to breath the clean air,
Smell the sweet scents of the roses,
Feel the warmth of togetherness,
Come and just be with Me,
Let us just “Be”,
Connected to each other,
And the warmth of the sun,
And the wisdom of the ages.
My Five Suggestions for Borderliners:
- We explore the origins of our feelings of abandonment and rejection. It will be easy; our tired ego will shout it out given an opportunity to do so.
- We accept the fact that we were abandoned and give ourselves permission to have the feelings associated with these experiences.
- We then attempt to understand why the significant others in our lives were doing what they did. We accept and forgive, no anger, no grudges. We just let them go.
- We take inventory for where we are now and how we got there. We give ourselves permission to be proud of what we have accomplished, even if it is just surviving.
- We make a decision to live a conscious life. We accept that we have feelings of rejection and abandonment. We recognize these mind states when they are triggered and we make a conscious decision to act out of love rather than out of fear or anger.