BPD – Pathological personality traits in negative affectivity – Emotional liability – Unstable emotional experiences and frequent mood changes.
(Rather that rehash the same stories that were involved in Sad Story sections of Part 1, Impairments, I am going to shift straight to to the Silver Lining.)
The common emotional yoyo effect is between anger and regret. There is a tendency to lose control and blurt out extreme reactions in perceived verbal conflicts (we may be the only one that perceives it as a conflict) with loved ones. This is usually followed by shame and regret leading to sulking and moping that sometimes can last for days. However, let’s remember that this is just a trait and not yet an impairment which means that it is not yet an established behavior pattern. That means that we can take steps while we are still in control to prevent these outbursts. The best way to do this is to develop transparency skills with the ones we love.
Mature Love – Transparency
My truth expands and grows because of you.
Through your eyes I have finally perceived me as I am.
I have abundance.
I have power to see you as you are,
And to love you from the depths of my BEING.
I give you my truth,
Not the fragile offerings of my mind,
But the truth that is in me, the truth that is ME.
When I struggle with fear, shame, sorrow, and anger,
When they are too difficult to bear,
I will not direct them at you,
But I will turn them over to you,
Knowing that you know ME,
And will guide me with your knowledge of me,
Trusting you will understand my love for you.
And when the sorrow is over
I will share my joy of BEING with you,
The peace that is in my soul because of you,
The joy that is in my heart because I love you.
There are no barriers between you and me.
Ask of me and you will hear only truth;
You will know the answer from my heart
When there is no answer from my mind.
You will hear my truth from my actions
That will always place you first,
That will find something to give
When there is nothing left to give.
I will struggle to find a kind word
When the world is unkind.
I will share my dreams
So that they can become your dreams for me,
And in turn, I will listen to your dreams
So they will become my dreams for you.
And I will share your hopes so they become my hopes
In the hope that my hopes can become your hopes.
And so we share the divine power of love,
Two hearts that beat as one heart,
Two minds that think as one mind,
Two souls that dream and hope as one soul.
I hold this power not just for me or for you,
But for all that come into our lives.
My children are your children;
Your children are my children.
You friends are my friends;
My friends are your friends.
My life purpose parallels your life purpose;
Your life purpose parallels my life purpose.
And so we grow each on our own path,
And sharing each other’s path,
So that the power to create, to achieve, to love,
Overflows into abundance for ourselves and for each other,
And for all that walk beside us and with us.
My Five Suggestions for Borderliners
- We do an emotion inventory. We write down the situations that give us the most difficulty.
- We select the top three and store the rest of them for future reference.
- We look again at each of these three and list the triggers that are involved.
- We compose a verbal response or mantra that we can use to counter the trigger. For example, in response to a criticism such as, “Did you do what I asked you to do?” We silently say, “Its okay to forget. There is no reason to be angry. I will take a deep breath and explain why I didn’t get it done and make a promise to do at the first possible opportunity.”
- We explain out plan to the one we love and ask them to help us put it into practice.